After a brief “Prologue”, you get “Decay” and what can i say they sure pick nice names, it’s quite the trailblazer, what were they thinking!, I’ll just make some weird guitar riffage and then we’ll get it going, that will be wack, yeah it’s great, if your paralyzed from the neck up, this should be added to the music guide books on “when not to play a guitar solo”, then you get the “The Yearning”, and beat me with a stick if it’s not a another weird track, it all sounds like “live drunk God Forbid doing their last gig of a 2 year tour and they just want to get it over with”, it sounds bad, I’m starting to think it’s not me, it’s these fuckers, “Embrace the Gutter” another shitty track? oh god when they start the chorus i just started laughing, this is just silly, all of it, solos included, oh god i never though Metalcore could sound soo shabby (and this one is downstairs, listen to it, and then say if I’m not right), next please…

“Ghost” is more of the same, just with the added “happy meal” solo guitar, “Misery” is scaring me with it’s Static-X start, with that intro, i just know it’s going to be shitty…. and shit it is, “This Future Disease” is more of the same, “One Last Thrill” well a somewhat nice track, nothing much, although i think i could be losing my ability to judge good music, with every single moment i listen to this “thing”, I’m gonna play it backwards to see if the devil is speaking, “No End in Sight” oh gawd at least the comic relief from the track names keeps me going, well anyway another shit poor job, “Walk the Line” is … “Final Cut” is the final track, and i just don’t fucking care, it has piano or something in the middle, fuck it.

This is what i would call some uninspired metal, it’s kind of ripping Trivium or something, but at least those boys have skill, this is just embarrassing. This is what i think… if you don’t know what to do, don’t add a guitar solo, don’t add a breakdown, don’t make a silly melodic chorus, just trash it and a make a new track, this album seems like they forage the woods for every bit of shit they could think, to stick in the freaking album, and just add some random guitar riffs to tie it all together, but it seems foraging for shit makes a shitty album, so if you start smelling something fishy, run for your lives.

Official Site Theautumnoffering

The Autumn Offering – Embrace the Gutter

Is there anything to grab on to? Well there are some slightly interesting stuff, and i put emphasis on slightly, its one of those albums, that could entice me to change the laws of physics and turn back time so i would stop myself from listening to it, so i wouldn’t have this bad opinion from the band, but since that didn’t happen my mind has changed from a “Mushroomhead Rock, this guys are great and not only i would buy their music, but I would watch their shows, and try and cull every girl i can get my hands on to check it out” to “Were do this guys live? Does a professional hit man accept credit card?”, this is beyond disappointment, this is a killing spree of disgruntlesness (don’t even know if that word really exists).

“Saviour Sorrow” Check List: “12 Hundred” I make similar sounds when I’m with the shits, that gurgling sound, “Simple Survival” Emo gay shit, and it’s actually one of the best in the album, it almost is as good as the worst of their previous album, “Damage Done” … “Stoned” I prefer Afromans Version, at least its funny, “Save Us” … Save us from Ourselves … A slow one and even they fuck it up, it sounds like Alanis Moriset making a duet with Nikcelback, “Tattoo” Completely Bland, It’s so bland that i had to turn my TV on to entertain me for the remaining 3 minutes, “Erase The Doubt” Oh God what were they thinking? i can’t believe they are being paid for this, this is like… being completely detached from reality and really mean it, all at the same time, “Burn” At least this one is short, “Just Pretending” Uhhh i didn’t know justin timberlake sings on this one? Uh the second at least average song on the album, “The Need” Uh nice follow up, after the last one i was almost missing the shitty song writing … “Cut Me” Oh I’ll cut something for sure “The Fallen” I’m getting emotional here, finally something really … disgusting?, i was wondering when something like that would pop up “Embrace The Ending” Slow Idiotic One, just like when you are giving blood, and the nurse forgets you are there and goes to lunch and comes back to find your sad rotting carcass.

Thank You Lord, after this experience, I’ve rekindle my belief in God… wait … God wouldn’t permit this blasphemy, not my God goddammit, damn i guess I’m back to my atheist / agnostic ways (yeah i fucking change my mind depending on the circumstances). Now speaking a bit frankly this is really a bad album, it just doesn’t make any sense, i actually can’t find any smear of interesting material, it lacks everything, maybe because i liked, yes liked, (this album is becoming a mind bender), their previous works i had big expectations, but this falls short, dead short, maybe if this wasn’t Mushroomhead i would have said it was an average album from an average band, since this is from Mushroomhead i will just say YOU GUYS SUCK.

“Without music, life would be an error” – Friedrich Nietzsche
“If its mushroomhead, i prefer the error” – fiend

Mushroomhead – Simple Survival

Uhh no? Well according to my intelligence report Gizmachi is a New York act that supposedly plays a hardcore rock nu metal kind of thing, the supposedly part will come later, it seems they are the first release from Slipknot’s Clown new label, uhhh, well here comes “The Imbuing”.

Ok, the first music “The Answer” is suspicious… singing “i have regrets”? sure they have regrets, this is one shitty song, its a idiotic mash of nu metal,hardcore and melodic metalcore cliches, i would have loads of regrets, especially when they start their pseudo guitar solo, damm i thought the worst had already came, wait i want to be fair, let’s just check the next one, “Wandering Eyes” hum? damm i think i heard this one before… in the likes of Dry Kill Logic or American Head Charge now i’m fucking scared and excited in a bad “oh dad please don’t touch me on my especial place” kind of way, then comes “Bloodwine” uhhhh nice … SHIT, and i thought Mudvayne’s last album was shit, this one is like going to some trashy road side public bathroom and lick the most disgusting toilet seat you can find, just to feel that warm moist of a fresh bowl.

I’m just going to skip to please my sadomasochist appetites, “Burn” is … oh fuck i lost what i was doing to say, let’s just skip to “Romantic Devastation” hum? i just can’t believe this, i swear i already heard some of this riffs before, like in Limp Bizkit?, not that they are the shittiest on my shit list, but is Gizmachi on the recycling business?, this music makes my rectum spasm, I’m actually trying to force myself into a anal blackout, at this point i’m just instinctively skipping, into “Wearing Skin”, Ok this is ridiculous, they aren’t even copying great bands, just the shitty ones, this is embarrassing for both sides, “People Show” is … i don’t really care, it’s like .. i quit.

This Band supposedly plays something, i see it like… do you like Macdonalds?, or any fast food for that matter? Well if you like recycled dog meat then this is for you… heheh just kidding, it’s more like if you eat a burger it won’t kill you and it might even be good for you, but eating a dozen will most likely give you a heart attack, the same goes for Gizmachi, sure if i listen to one of their tracks on my car radio i might headbang a little and maybe even enjoy it, because it just doesn’t sink in, with all the noise and distractions, but listening to the entire album is a different matter, quite disturbing i might say, and i highly NOT recommend it … for health reasons, you understand.

Gizmachi – The Answer

So the album starts with “Baby Blue”, nothing until 1:40 then…what a confusion, i think 4 people are trying to sing something at the same time, well unlike good grass this is some bad shit, i tend to believe the most important thing in hard rock (aka Godsmack/Creed/Nickelback) is that it has to be catchy, you can fucking do whatever, but when it gets to the chorus, you better give me some catchy shit, the shit has to rhyme or just sound great, goddamn i’m half way into the first track and i’m praying they don’t jump on a Limp Bizkit/Linkin Park breakbeat, hell that and they have that annoying siren like sample always playing in the background, ohhh shit…they did go into a Limp Bizkit/Linkin Park breakbeat, i must be fucking psychic? or was it psychotic?, they must be fucking kidding me, well lets just skip to the next one, maybe i’m just overreacting, here comes “Skin Flick” and…. ohh great a Tool ripoff, i know i was a bit mean to Tool, but this is worse, there is a reason why Tool are Tool, damm, I’m starting to wonder about my life, why am i doing this?, why do this guys do this to me, i don’t deserve this, i want my mommy.

Better clear my mind, and continue, “Masterpiece [of Art]” … Linkin Park anyone?, “Blunt Instrumental” actually a interesting instrumental interlude, thank god, at least they aren’t trying to play anything, “It Hurts” another unbalanced song, everyone seems to try to do their own thing, to the point of being irritating, i actually have no idea if anyone on this album is good or not, it all feels like telling Slayer to try and backup Cristina Aguilera, it would surely be as much of a bloody mess as this is, and it just doesn’t get better, “Watergate” has the worst chorus i have ever heard, i feel my life force draining away,”Seven” same shit, “Kill Me” i don’t know what this is…, “Wonderworld” for a moment there, i thought the name of the song was Waterworld, well different name, same disaster, “Rapid Eye Movement” didn’t i skip a track?, “Falling on Sleep” …

“Murder Nature”, ohhh yes, there is murder in the air, i have this images of me backstage of a Head Control System gig, with a wooden club with a nail in the point, this is one of those… WHAT WERE THEY THINKING kind of moments, this is really really REALLY bad music, i will spend the rest of this week listening to Tool just to make this go away, well that or i’m wrong and this is indeed a groundbreaking album, far ahead of its time and by that i mean. it can only be appreciated when human evolution has made the use of ears redundant and because of that, people just like to see the lines going up and down on equalizers, i feel like i lost years of my life that i’m never going to get back, i’ll only say this, if you have to choose between alcohol, drugs or smokes and “Murder Nature” you’ll be better off with things you know won’t kill you right away, so no mp3.

So how does “10000 Days” holds up? Well really good, since they are excellent musicians, the album starts with “Vicarious” and there is no way you can’t be infatuated with this sound, so cristal clear so tempered and balanced, things do tend to fall into place when you listen to Tool, after a couple of minutes i was already balancing my head back and forward, its that nice and smooth Tool sound, then comes “Jambi” and that goes into that oh so predictable Tool formula, nice beginning never ending simplistic music with vocals in background, half original in 1992, now completely overdone, then we go to the over sized interlude with “Wings For Marie (Pt 1)” and “10000 Days (Wings Pt 2)”.

I really enjoy almost 18 minutes of interlude when a album is just beginning, after that “joy ride” they give us the “o so well named” “The Pot” (yeah the 18 minutes made me picky), what the fuck he is saying? “High High, you must have been High High” sure i am high, with brilliant lyrics like that, over the most boring riff i’ve ever heard, after the longest and soonest interlude in the history of music, sure i’m high, Tool are fucking mind readers, and just when i’m wondering what’s coming up next with “Lipan Conjuring”, ohh fuck another interlude, what the fuck, are they gonna spend all day making idiotic sounds, ohhh excuse me mind blowing innovating, transcendental idiotic sounds, i forgot i’m talking about Tool, lets just skip that, and go straight to “Lost Keys”, OHHH YOU FUCKS, YOU DIDN’T, another fucking interlude, with more idiotic random samples, goddam.

Here we go “Rosetta Stoned”, hey finally one of those uninspired Tool songs, it only took, 39 minutes of white noise to get it, now let’s have a look at “Intension”, ohhh no not another…ohhh 2 minutes later he started singing, thank god, that was some scare, ok…where’s the rest of the band, ohhh it’s that kind of interlude, ohhh how nice, so “Right in Two” must be a song…somewhere, really slow buildup to full band workout, well again the formula, well at least it’s not another interlude, let’s check “Viginti Tres” ohhh that’s just perfect, more 5 minutes of strange noises, to any of the Tool band members that might see this, just one tiny note, you know that white noise and all those sissy things are just used to enhance music, they are not fucking music, not in fucking rock, you made an album with 4 songs, and only 2 are decent, you dumb excuse for a band.

So what can i add, what can i say, Tool failed miserably to capture me, yeah i know, sacrilege, but as i said before Tool always sounds the same because they always play the same, they seem to be milking the cow till it’s bone dry, every flare or originality is gone, how many times can you sing quietly and build up a song the same way, even the riffs seem dry, there is a complete lack of substance, its music for musics sake, don’t get me wrong, it’s a Tool album, and Tool fans will probably like the 2 songs, but i assure, even those are dull and devoid.

Tool – Vicarious